He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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