Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize