My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize