i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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