I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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