I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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