My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize