She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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