I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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