when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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