final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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