it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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