I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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