HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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