Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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