last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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