Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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