that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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