i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
love makes seman taste better
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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