ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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