clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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