Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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