I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize