So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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