yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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