My Higher Power is John Stamos
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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