textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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