I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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