Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize