I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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