I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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