but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize