I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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