I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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