I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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