had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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