If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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