I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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