rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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