I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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