I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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