We won't sleep together?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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