wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize