I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
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we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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