I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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