Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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