grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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