i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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