I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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