did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
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I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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